why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
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I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
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I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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