i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
