Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
honey bunches of taint.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
