Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
