Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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