I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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