fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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