So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
