guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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