life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
