if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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