Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
