how can u be prego again
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
