yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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