Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
