Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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