Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
