i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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