omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
