Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
