We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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