Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
