Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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