i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
