the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
