Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
