I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
