i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
