He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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