i think i have herpe
just one?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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