if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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