Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
