you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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