I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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