I wish my penis had an off switch
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
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