it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
