hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
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