It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
