i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
