I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
