I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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