she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
