I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
