I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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