Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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