i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
