I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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