So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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