dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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