Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
