so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
