u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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