The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I need to calm my uterus...
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
