hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
