i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
