Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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