Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
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He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
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I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize