I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
