Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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