I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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