shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
