You just made me feel so damn special
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
