My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
