Joe is yelling at the trees again.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
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They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
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I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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