think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
