hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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