he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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