season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
