guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
she smelled like a LAN party
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
