yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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