I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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