I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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