You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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