Just fell off a train. Bad.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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