thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
