I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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