I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
